ideation

I’ve told myself I moved on from it

five years strong and not once was it ever again a consideration

even still, i don’t believe it’ll happen, but I can’t get it out of my head

because once you think about it, you always do

I really, really don’t want to. and I know that.

but I’d consider it too late to go to therapy

and definitely it’s too late to forgive myself

I know I can’t spend another day trying to repress

the trauma I’ve done to myself

and sorry for dropping the breadcrumbs so casually

my irresponsibility and impulsiveness results in your inevitable guilt, god forbid,

so I hope this offers ceasing that

and again, it’s because of no one else but myself

you’ve all shown compassion beyond what i deserve

so, I’m very very sorry for my selfishness

that puts all of your effort into vain